Can I leave a Legacy with No Physical Assets?

The short answer is Yes!

Say the word legacy, and most people immediately think of money, houses, or land — the tangible things we leave behind. But the truth is, our legacy is so much more than property or possessions. It’s our habits, beliefs, behaviors, favorite sayings, and stories.

This post shows how to build your legacy with what you already have, talks about the power of stories, habits and ways that connect a family; it shows how culture served as a protective factor and how remembering and harnessing their essence can be again –  especially in these perilous times.

What Legacy Means for Black Boomers and Family Values

I spend a lot of time thinking about legacy-leaving. It occurred to me that we Boomers could be considered the bridge generation: Many of us have vivid memories of the 60’s (I actually remember the trauma of being forced to go to the white school in the 6th grade); the Black Pride movement and everything that followed. Synthesizing this is not an easy job; I still struggle with grasping what my beloved recently deceased eldest sister, Doris, called ‘these new Black people’ – but just the same, it is my obligation to try so that I can share it.

Our memories are powerful. We each carry our own memories and stories from things like: 

I was fortune enough to have been raised in a very small, rural, southern town. In the summertime, sleeping on the floor in front of the screen door was pure joy – especially after a day of hanging out at the swimming pool. Intergenerational contact and respect was an unspoken rule. Our sacred enclave had its own distinct way of being in the world.

But no matter where you lived, that era of our collective past produced a “…culturally sustainable autonomous community” nationwide.

That means an African American community which depended on itself for all of its cultural meanings, we had the same – culturally autonomous –  free of outside influence – sustainable – ‘cause generations lived under the system – community.  So that we ‘… stepped out into the rest of the world already blessed, rich – ENriched and in the best sense of the word ‘privileged’ and grateful for it.

And that meant our social life was ours, so we had musicians who traveled from town to town and almost every one of our towns had a Black restaurant – that was also doubling as our social hangout, so we set standards for each other – we particularly quoted each other you know – we respected our teachers, they encouraged us to …get your lesson…do the best you can – and somehow an undercurrent of ‘we are the people you rely on’ so we (I) stepped out into the rest of the world already blessed, rich – ENriched and in the best sense of the word ‘privileged’ and grateful for it.

-dr.doris diosa davenport, 

The above quote was taken from the last interview with my beloved big sister, dr. doris diosa davenport, teacher, scholar, poet/activist.

They perfectly describe the environment that produced us – in addition to our families and churches, of course. 

As the basic elements and components of our lives are being appropriated and stolen at warp speed, subsequent generations need to know and inherit the wisdom, creativity, and pure joy of our people. We can do this by being intentional and using everyday interactions as sharing and teaching opportunities.

Months before my six-year old granddaughter (LisaBrooke was born), I was overcome with grief and despair: I was not going to be around to teach her things and help interpret the world. But most of all, I would not be able to pass on our family’s unique and special ways of being. 

Now, every time I’m with her, I find a way to slip something in. I don’t lecture her (too much) or go into great detail. Instead, I sneak something in every time we’re together.

In addition to leaving her my still-growing sunglass collection (REMEMBER to link article here), I teach her my habits, hobbies and values; Most importantly, I bring my family memories and lessons to life every chance I get. My hope is that these things will be foundations for her habit-making and thought-processing as she builds her character.

Example: I didn’t participate in the gossip or other behaviors that contribute to what is called a ‘toxic workplace or environment’: I am certain that this is because my mother firmly fixed it into my being that ‘you do not repeat anything that goes on in this house once you leave.

One of my greatest compliments was being referred to as an ‘old hippie’ by a Black woman who was at least 20 years younger than me. When it occurred to me that the foundation for the behaviors she recognized was laid in my early years, I was completely humbled. 

Like everyone else in our magical enclave, I was raised rural and poor.

This meant that we all:

• Had gardens in the back yard
• Some of us had chickens & hogs(!)
• Preserved (canned) what was grown
• Learned to ‘make do’ with very little 
• Wasted nothing (especially electricity) 
• Found odd jobs at an early age
• Respected our elders
• Were made to go outside and play(!)
• Played outside (year round)
• Rummage sale shopped

There’s still nothing like a fresh tomato ‘samage’ swimming in ‘man naise(!)’ (I use nayonaise now.)

Fast forward many years later – I am a fitness buff, love outside activity, work to care for the environment whenever I can, have been a vegan(vegetarian) for many years, unplug cords from outlets when not in use and do not require the comfort of air conditioning or high inside temperatures in the winter. 

Knowing my values and combining them with my own stories and memories was a big help. 

I’ve use them to plan our activities. When I can, I throw in a story from my upbringing to make it more relevant. 

Pictured bey grandfather, John, and his youngest brother, Will, played violin and banjo; my grandfather actually used to ‘call’ square dances! In addition to my sister doris, there are many and varied creatives in our clan.

Subsequently, music and dance were a huge part of our family life. My granddaughter and I dance often; I even taught her to pop her fingers a few years ago(!).

Like most little people, she was in love with Encanto. One day as she danced to it, I grabbed a sheet, wrapped it around me, put on a bandana and showed her a few of my African dance moves. 

The Connection? She knows that her (deceased) grandfather and I met as a dancer and musician. I showed her how I danced as her Pop Bobby played drums.

I started to notice that every time I put on lipstick, my granddaughter was watching: I never go out without it and re-apply it often.

Lipstick still has a special place in my heart that was made during my growing up. There was sheer magic in watching my mother slide the little button up the side of a golden tube and gently applying red creamy stuff to her lips.

Watching me smear it on during a bathroom break at the movies one, she asked:

Can I have some? 

I could not resist: I made sure to say ‘since this is a special occasion’ as I handed her the tube.

I will never forget the joy of kneeling beside her and pushing up close to the full length mirror. Her habit of rushing through tasks with an “I already know how to do it!’ was gone. 

With surprising attentiveness she listened and looked as I showed her how to hold her mouth, gently cover her lips then move them inward to set it. 

Then I threw in a short sory of  how Sunday mornings were always abuzz with everybody fixing up to go to church. My mom, grandmother and her three younger sisters put on lipstick just before leaving the house as I watched. 

Lipstick wearing was one of the things I looked forward to the most growing up for; now, so does she. Not too long ago, I broke down (again) and bought her four cute little tubes of barely colored gloss.

When I remember our ways from what I sometimes call the ‘before times,’ I come up with all kinds of things that I can bring forth into my granddaughter’s life- like how we played outside into the evening hours, especially during the summer.

Like young folks of the past 20 or so years, at 6 years old, she is way more proficient at small tech devices than most adults; her navigation of Youtube and a few other platforms amazes me.

Also like most folk – young and old at this point – her screentime is alarming 

According to the National Institutes of health, here are a few of the illnesses increased screentime has led to: mental/physical illnesses, obesity, anxiety, sleep disturbances, attention deficit, low language skills, poor study habits.

I make every effort to get her outside and play. Here’s what we’ve done so far:

• Hola hoop
• Shoot  marbles
• Play jackstones (we used co-cola bottle tops)
• Go exploring in the woods
• We recently buried a fallen bird
• Collect rocks
• Make mud pies
• Ice skate

These are small thing, but I am certain that my granddaughter will keep these things in her memory bank.

As impermanence (code for ‘you-know-what’) looms, making every interaction count is comforting. I feel like I’m doing my part in preserving and honoring our past.

There are definitely days when I do feel rushed. The need to be sure that I share all the wit and wisdom that I received is strong. Sometimes I get a little anxious. 

Memories visit me often, and that makes me feel better. When they do, I take out my handy notepad and write them down. 

Legacy isn’t only about what we leave behind when we’re gone. It’s about what we’re living and teaching every day.